I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
