I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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