I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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