zippers are such a cool invention
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
