i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
