New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
