i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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