Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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