just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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