i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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