So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
