I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize