just tell him i said nine months
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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