I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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