She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
