We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
