I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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