she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize