I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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