Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
