uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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