I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
