Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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