he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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