it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
