It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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