Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
