I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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