i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
