two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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