We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
