Whod you bang
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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