So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
