Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
