I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize