A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
