I swear she didn't look like that last week.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
