I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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