i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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