Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
