Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
