He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
