Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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