My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
