before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
