What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I touched a dick in church today
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
