Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
