Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
