if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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