i already hear my dad disowning me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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