hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
