he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
