Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
