It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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