cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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