Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
