I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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