I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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