you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
