i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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