This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
