we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
