Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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