I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
