she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
