I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize